Randomness 101: Looking Back

A  few months back I was going through some troubled times. Probably everyone out there who calls themselves a Christian has faced adversity in regards to their faith at least once in their lifetime. I've had many sentiments thrown my way because of how I have chosen to live my life... Jesus freak, Bible thumper, holier than thou, etc. Of course I would be lying if I said I never threw out comments about other peoples lives either. These days though, I try to refrain from such things as I know how it feels for people to judge me and my life. In the end I just say to myself that if that's how they want to live then it's their choice cause it's their life. It's hard sometimes especially when it's people you care about, but it doesn't stop me from loving them. 

I don't hide the fact I am a Christian or what I believe, nor do I hide who I used to be. I sometimes make jokes with others when they share their drinking stories (and the like)  about how that was once me. Really though, it's nothing to joke about cause the things I did were foolish in more ways than one. I was blind to so many things, especially the people who continually tried to reel me in. My thoughts always were, "I got this, I'm in control here" when in actuality I wasn't. My actions were a cry for help but when help came I didn't think it was enough. Which I can see now is probably why I backslid more times than I can count in my beginning years as a Christian. Hopefully I'm making some kind of sense here cause I'm having a hard time putting my exact thoughts into words LOL  

I have a lot of people in my life; friends and family alike. All from different backgrounds, different places of the world, different lifestyles and despite how different we are, I love them all but in different ways. I see some traveling a road similar to the one I have been down and honestly it scares me. I've tried to throw that lifeline but either they don't see it or they do but aren't ready to try and reach for it. Others grasp it but just aren't strong enough yet to hold on. Then there are those who take hold with all their might and can't be thankful enough for it. I love when people share with my how something I brought to them has changed their life, has helped them in some small way, has lead them back to Jesus or was just enough to keep them from falling off the ledge. Declarations like this might fill some with pride but it actually makes me more humble. The things I share with others are what God puts on my heart, I am merely a vessel that He works through to reach others. It's a pretty awesome responsibility if you ask me. Is there a point here, I'm not really sure. I guess it's this, if you truly love someone then keep throwing those lifelines and keep praying. 

Funny how when I look back on the years before I knew Jesus, that I see so many instances when he was trying to throw me that rope. I can recall conversations I had and music that I listened to when I was in my late teens that I can see plain as day all the signs pointing to God. I was listening but I wasn't hearing, something I still have an issue with now and again, just ask my husband :) Someone once said "we have no desire for Jesus until we are called by the Spirit. Many opportunities for Jesus may be presented over time but in order to respond we must be called." Guess all those little signs in my teen years and most of my 20's were like breadcrumbs, little bits that got my attention along the way so when the big one dropped I was ready for it. 

So anyhow, I have no idea if any of this has really made any sense to anyone besides me. For all I know it could just sound like a bunch of rambling, but in essence isn't that what blogging really is? LOL Above all I hope that no one took offense, if so it wasn't my intention and I sincerely apologize. My prayer is that what I've written is just enough to encourage someone to grab that rope or to be the one to throw it. Anyway, back to my original purpose for this randomness... a poem. One that stemmed out of the troubled times I spoke of at the beginning of this post. It's when I realized that my creative writing ability hadn't totally been lost. This poem is about me, I wrote it in March of 2012, hope you enjoy it:

I once was blind but now I see, 

thank you Jesus for setting me free.

The scales are gone now from my eyes,

God is my foundation, heaven is my prize.

I will not be shaken, I will not be moved,

I firmly stand on God's word of truth.

Not of this world, that is me,

I give this life Lord unto thee.

Love ya'll & God bless,

Brandy