What if...

The other day I purposed to focus as much of my day on God as possible. I opened YouTube and pulled up my PC3 set list. For a time I was completely wrapped up in worship. Then I started thinking on my one word for this year, content. A thought about our house came to mind and the questions formed from there.

What if this is it? What if this is where God wants us to stay? What if this is where we live until the end of our days? And the kicker of them all... could I be content if we remained here? To go even deeper... what if today I started living as if this was it? In approaching my daily tasks, what would I do differently if I had the mindset that this is our forever home?

Some of you know the situation we are in with our house, it's a tangled web to say the least LOL and has thus far proved nearly impossible to get out of. Kind of like a fun house where you think you have found a way out only to realize it's just a mirage.

A few years ago we thought we had finally found way out from under it. Everything was falling into place nicely. We found a company that kind of worked like a car dealer LOL Our current place is a manufactured home and we were going to buy land and put a custom built modular on it, they were allowing us to "trade in" our current home in order to get the new one. Granted, we were going to have to roll over some of what we owed on our current home into the new mortgage, but it was a way out, finally a light at the end of a long dark tunnel. We picked out the home and all the fixins for the inside, and found a nice piece of land in Hampstead. While I was excited about cutting the ties connected to our home and having a brand new place of our own, I was also becoming very anxious. The cost of bundling everything together to get into the new home began to weigh on my shoulders. As many times as I prayed about moving forward with the purchase and hoped to have peace about it, it never came.

When folks say that God's timing is perfect, they ain't lying LOL I was heavy burdened because I knew the reality of our finances and while we could afford the new mortgage payment, it would have put us right to the wire financially with no room to budge. And if you know me, you know I like to have a little wiggle room in case of emergency. All Chris could see though was the light at the end of the tunnel and he had blinders on to everything else. I can't blame him, as the house had been a burden for him before I even came into the picture. It was then that my prayer became "God, if this is not what you want for us, if this is not in our best interest, then I need you to reveal that in whatever way you feel necessary."

Fade to 2014, a Thursday afternoon close to the end of September. I'm sitting on the couch watching some TV as I still have a couple more hours until Chris gets home from work. I hear his truck coming up the driveway and I find this rather odd as he shouldn't be home for another 2 hours. My first thought is that he's sick and they sent him home. I open the front door and see him looking at me as he gets out of his truck, shaking his head. "Are you ok?" I ask, to which he replies, "I'm sorry sweetheart." Now I'm perplexed. "Sorry for what?" I say and he responds, "I got laid off today." Want to know how perfect God's timing is? The VERY next day we were scheduled to sign the contract to purchase the land we were going to build our house on. Never in my life have a felt so relieved for my husband to tell me he got laid off.

I am so thankful that God intervened. As much as we wanted that new place, I knew in my heart that we weren't seeing the big picture; we were only seeing the here and now. What a blessing to know that God's promises are true; that He knows what is best for us; that He holds our future in His hands. There were 3 rounds of layoffs that year, he was fortunate to make it through the first two.  It wasn't long after the third round when they let him and a few others go, that they closed up shop completely. With our human, earthly eyes, we couldn't have seen that. But God did and He protected us.

So I return to the question... what if this is where we are meant to remain? For 5 and a half years we have lived with the mindset that we will find a way out. What if God just wants us to be content where we are? When you get down to it, our home meets all our basic needs and that's really all that matters. I also think maybe, just maybe, if we become completely content where we are and stop focusing on "what's next", then if this isn't where we are meant to be that God will show us the next step when the time is right.

We live in a day and age where there is no satisfaction; where everyone just wants more. How heavenly it would be to just be content; grateful for what is, right here and right now and have faith in what will be. To truly be in this world but not of it because we have Christ in us and He is all we need.

Go forth and be blessed y'all :)

Brandy

Be Intentional

Good intentions are great, but unless you are being intentional about following through, then they are just thoughts without action.

The last 4 days have been a struggle, as I realize I've started falling back into old unhealthy patterns. Friday, I had an agenda which included about 8 hours of work, so I had no problems getting motivated. However, Thursday and Saturday consisted of being lazy in my PJ's, binging on Netflix and playing computer games. That is, until about 3:45pm rolled around at which time I knew my hubby would be getting done work soon. This got me motivated enough to grab a shower, get dressed and do a little clean up around the house. Sunday somewhat followed suit, although on a good note I did get up and get dressed straight away. I knew there was one task that needed doing no matter what, I had to go grocery shopping. I was already scheduled off from serving at church as I was supposed to be out of town for the weekend and had a meeting on the books that day. I could have, and very well should have gone to church, but I didn't. Of course, I later regretted my decision to sit home and just "be" when I could have spent the morning in fellowship with friends worshipping Jesus.

This is not the first time I've battled depression, at least that is what I assume it to be. Sad part is that I wasted two beautiful days, three if you take into account Thursday. It's not that I don't wake up each day with good intentions; it's not as if there aren't things that need doing. It's just that my mindset turns to "why?" or "what is the point?". Why bother keeping up with the house when no one comes here anyway? I figure it will be there when I feel like doing it and it's just Chris and I, so as long as I do what needs to be done then the rest can go by the wayside. As glorious a day as Saturday was, I could have gone to the beach, got some amazing photographs, spent time in the sunshine. But my mind said, driving to the beach uses gas and gas cost money and if I'm gone for a good amount of time I will likely purchase lunch, but if I stay home it will cost nothing and I'd rather not spend the money. And this is how my thought process goes.

All this brings to mind Romans 7:15-20 (NIV):

¹⁵ I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do. ¹⁶ And if I do what I do not want to do, I agree that the law is good. ¹⁷ As it is, it is no longer I myself who do it, but it is sin living in me. ¹⁸ For I know that good itself does not dwell in me, that is, in my sinful nature. For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. ¹⁹ For I do not do the good I want to do, but the evil I do not want to do—this I keep on doing. ²⁰ Now if I do what I do not want to do, it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it.

Sounds a bit like a tongue twister, right? Unfortunately, I continually fall prey to my addictive sin nature. Allowing my life to be consumed by things that continue to cause destruction, rather than fill myself with that which is good for me. It's a pattern that repeats itself regularly; often dictated by what is going on in my life at that time. On a good note, I am learning to recognize and acknowledge this behavior in a more timely fashion, which allows me to deal with it head on, seek God and take action against it.

In the past, I have gone weeks, sometimes months spending my non active days in sloth mode, feeding my food addiction and my "don't give a hoot" mindset. Healthy? Not in the least. This is not how I want to live my days. I'm sure others feel the same way, as I am certain I'm not the only one who struggles in this area. It's the main reason I feel it is important for us to share and be transparent about who we are and what we struggle with. Not for pity sake, but to let others know that they aren't in this boat all alone. To throw out that lifeline in order to allow us to do life together and hold each other accountable. Will I continue to face challenges each day? I am certain of it LOL but God is with me and if I am intentional about seeking Him, then He will help me do what I need to do, rather than the things I shouldn't do.

Several months ago, I joined a small group called Refuge. It's for folks who struggle with all types of addiction. And I have to say it has truly been a blessing to be connected to the people there. I have learned so much and through it God has given me tools to help me take appropriate action when I see myself taking a wrong turn. The group was launched years ago at our Port City Community Church Wilmington campus and they meet regularly on Tuesday nights at 6:30pm. Thankfully, it has taken off at many of our other campuses as well, to include PC3 Jacksonville, which meets at an offsite location on Thursday nights at 7:30pm. It is not church specific, so if you happen to be a native of Coastal NC and are in need of help, I encourage you to check us out. If you want more information, feel free to reach out to us through our Facebook page or in my comments section.

Well folks, that's all for now. I pray that through sharing what God has placed on my heart that it would help change the lives of others. Feel free to interact with me through the comments section, I would love to hear from you.

Go Forth and Be Blessed Y'all,

Brandy