What if...

The other day I purposed to focus as much of my day on God as possible. I opened YouTube and pulled up my PC3 set list. For a time I was completely wrapped up in worship. Then I started thinking on my one word for this year, content. A thought about our house came to mind and the questions formed from there.

What if this is it? What if this is where God wants us to stay? What if this is where we live until the end of our days? And the kicker of them all... could I be content if we remained here? To go even deeper... what if today I started living as if this was it? In approaching my daily tasks, what would I do differently if I had the mindset that this is our forever home?

Some of you know the situation we are in with our house, it's a tangled web to say the least LOL and has thus far proved nearly impossible to get out of. Kind of like a fun house where you think you have found a way out only to realize it's just a mirage.

A few years ago we thought we had finally found way out from under it. Everything was falling into place nicely. We found a company that kind of worked like a car dealer LOL Our current place is a manufactured home and we were going to buy land and put a custom built modular on it, they were allowing us to "trade in" our current home in order to get the new one. Granted, we were going to have to roll over some of what we owed on our current home into the new mortgage, but it was a way out, finally a light at the end of a long dark tunnel. We picked out the home and all the fixins for the inside, and found a nice piece of land in Hampstead. While I was excited about cutting the ties connected to our home and having a brand new place of our own, I was also becoming very anxious. The cost of bundling everything together to get into the new home began to weigh on my shoulders. As many times as I prayed about moving forward with the purchase and hoped to have peace about it, it never came.

When folks say that God's timing is perfect, they ain't lying LOL I was heavy burdened because I knew the reality of our finances and while we could afford the new mortgage payment, it would have put us right to the wire financially with no room to budge. And if you know me, you know I like to have a little wiggle room in case of emergency. All Chris could see though was the light at the end of the tunnel and he had blinders on to everything else. I can't blame him, as the house had been a burden for him before I even came into the picture. It was then that my prayer became "God, if this is not what you want for us, if this is not in our best interest, then I need you to reveal that in whatever way you feel necessary."

Fade to 2014, a Thursday afternoon close to the end of September. I'm sitting on the couch watching some TV as I still have a couple more hours until Chris gets home from work. I hear his truck coming up the driveway and I find this rather odd as he shouldn't be home for another 2 hours. My first thought is that he's sick and they sent him home. I open the front door and see him looking at me as he gets out of his truck, shaking his head. "Are you ok?" I ask, to which he replies, "I'm sorry sweetheart." Now I'm perplexed. "Sorry for what?" I say and he responds, "I got laid off today." Want to know how perfect God's timing is? The VERY next day we were scheduled to sign the contract to purchase the land we were going to build our house on. Never in my life have a felt so relieved for my husband to tell me he got laid off.

I am so thankful that God intervened. As much as we wanted that new place, I knew in my heart that we weren't seeing the big picture; we were only seeing the here and now. What a blessing to know that God's promises are true; that He knows what is best for us; that He holds our future in His hands. There were 3 rounds of layoffs that year, he was fortunate to make it through the first two.  It wasn't long after the third round when they let him and a few others go, that they closed up shop completely. With our human, earthly eyes, we couldn't have seen that. But God did and He protected us.

So I return to the question... what if this is where we are meant to remain? For 5 and a half years we have lived with the mindset that we will find a way out. What if God just wants us to be content where we are? When you get down to it, our home meets all our basic needs and that's really all that matters. I also think maybe, just maybe, if we become completely content where we are and stop focusing on "what's next", then if this isn't where we are meant to be that God will show us the next step when the time is right.

We live in a day and age where there is no satisfaction; where everyone just wants more. How heavenly it would be to just be content; grateful for what is, right here and right now and have faith in what will be. To truly be in this world but not of it because we have Christ in us and He is all we need.

Go forth and be blessed y'all :)

Brandy

Be Intentional

Good intentions are great, but unless you are being intentional about following through, then they are just thoughts without action.

The last 4 days have been a struggle, as I realize I've started falling back into old unhealthy patterns. Friday, I had an agenda which included about 8 hours of work, so I had no problems getting motivated. However, Thursday and Saturday consisted of being lazy in my PJ's, binging on Netflix and playing computer games. That is, until about 3:45pm rolled around at which time I knew my hubby would be getting done work soon. This got me motivated enough to grab a shower, get dressed and do a little clean up around the house. Sunday somewhat followed suit, although on a good note I did get up and get dressed straight away. I knew there was one task that needed doing no matter what, I had to go grocery shopping. I was already scheduled off from serving at church as I was supposed to be out of town for the weekend and had a meeting on the books that day. I could have, and very well should have gone to church, but I didn't. Of course, I later regretted my decision to sit home and just "be" when I could have spent the morning in fellowship with friends worshipping Jesus.

This is not the first time I've battled depression, at least that is what I assume it to be. Sad part is that I wasted two beautiful days, three if you take into account Thursday. It's not that I don't wake up each day with good intentions; it's not as if there aren't things that need doing. It's just that my mindset turns to "why?" or "what is the point?". Why bother keeping up with the house when no one comes here anyway? I figure it will be there when I feel like doing it and it's just Chris and I, so as long as I do what needs to be done then the rest can go by the wayside. As glorious a day as Saturday was, I could have gone to the beach, got some amazing photographs, spent time in the sunshine. But my mind said, driving to the beach uses gas and gas cost money and if I'm gone for a good amount of time I will likely purchase lunch, but if I stay home it will cost nothing and I'd rather not spend the money. And this is how my thought process goes.

All this brings to mind Romans 7:15-20 (NIV):

¹⁵ I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do. ¹⁶ And if I do what I do not want to do, I agree that the law is good. ¹⁷ As it is, it is no longer I myself who do it, but it is sin living in me. ¹⁸ For I know that good itself does not dwell in me, that is, in my sinful nature. For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. ¹⁹ For I do not do the good I want to do, but the evil I do not want to do—this I keep on doing. ²⁰ Now if I do what I do not want to do, it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it.

Sounds a bit like a tongue twister, right? Unfortunately, I continually fall prey to my addictive sin nature. Allowing my life to be consumed by things that continue to cause destruction, rather than fill myself with that which is good for me. It's a pattern that repeats itself regularly; often dictated by what is going on in my life at that time. On a good note, I am learning to recognize and acknowledge this behavior in a more timely fashion, which allows me to deal with it head on, seek God and take action against it.

In the past, I have gone weeks, sometimes months spending my non active days in sloth mode, feeding my food addiction and my "don't give a hoot" mindset. Healthy? Not in the least. This is not how I want to live my days. I'm sure others feel the same way, as I am certain I'm not the only one who struggles in this area. It's the main reason I feel it is important for us to share and be transparent about who we are and what we struggle with. Not for pity sake, but to let others know that they aren't in this boat all alone. To throw out that lifeline in order to allow us to do life together and hold each other accountable. Will I continue to face challenges each day? I am certain of it LOL but God is with me and if I am intentional about seeking Him, then He will help me do what I need to do, rather than the things I shouldn't do.

Several months ago, I joined a small group called Refuge. It's for folks who struggle with all types of addiction. And I have to say it has truly been a blessing to be connected to the people there. I have learned so much and through it God has given me tools to help me take appropriate action when I see myself taking a wrong turn. The group was launched years ago at our Port City Community Church Wilmington campus and they meet regularly on Tuesday nights at 6:30pm. Thankfully, it has taken off at many of our other campuses as well, to include PC3 Jacksonville, which meets at an offsite location on Thursday nights at 7:30pm. It is not church specific, so if you happen to be a native of Coastal NC and are in need of help, I encourage you to check us out. If you want more information, feel free to reach out to us through our Facebook page or in my comments section.

Well folks, that's all for now. I pray that through sharing what God has placed on my heart that it would help change the lives of others. Feel free to interact with me through the comments section, I would love to hear from you.

Go Forth and Be Blessed Y'all,

Brandy

More Than You Can Handle

The other night I was in bed reading Reshaping It All by Candace Cameron Bure and in Chapter 16 she referenced some verses from 1 Corinthians 10 and it really got me thinking. This verse has come to mind many times over the years and because of something I read some time ago, I have learned to look at it in a different light.

Anyhow, folks always talk about taking scripture out of context. Reason it happens is cause they will use the bit that suits and pay no mind to what comes before or after. Oftentimes leaving out some very important information. Which brings me to the verses I came across and the one folks use a lot. They say "God will never give you more than you can handle" then they leave it at that. Guess what y'all, there's more to it!

My personal thought goes like this: ok, GOD will never give me more than I can handle however, the things I go after on my own and pile on my plate that aren't His will for me are often what give me trouble. And that there is absolute truth.

Now let's look at what it says in 1 Corinthians 10:11-13:

11 These things happened to them as examples and were written down as warnings for us, on whom the fulfillment of the ages has come. 12 So, if you think you are standing firm, be careful that you don't fall! No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. 13 And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it.

WOW! I could dig deep into verse 12 cause I got a big testimony for that, but my focus right now is verse 13. Did you read it in it's entirety? I'm sure you did but read it again, slowly and let it sink in for a moment. Do you think we have been missing something? Two big words here: BUT WHEN. This verse isn't just one sentence but two! You can't have one without the other, they are equally important. He will provide a way out so we can stand up under it, can I get an amen? Here's an excerpt from Reshaping It All that pretty much sums it up:

"God doesn't always provide the easy way out. He doesn't promise that life will be a breeze or free of temptation; in fact temptation is something we can always expect. But what He does promise us is this: He'll always provide a way to escape. There's always a way out..." C. C. Bure

Temptation... thanks Eve for mucking it all up for us LOL It's been with us from the beginning and will be with us til the end. No one is immune to it; no one is perfect; we all fall short. I firmly believe that God wants the best for us but sometimes (oftentimes) we gotta work for it. I mean really, if he just gave it to us, how would we learn all these amazing lessons? He knows what our limits are; he knows the areas where we are weak.

Just look at Job. Even my worst day is like gumdrops and candy canes compared to a day in the life of Job! If God allowed Satan to mess with Job, a man who he noted as being the finest man on earth, blameless and a man of complete integrity, then how can we stand a chance? But we can. Just as Job was an overcomer, we will be too because God is faithful. He has promised that He will never leave us nor forsake us, but oh how He will test us along the way.

Well, I think I may have run a bit down a rabbit trail there but I think you get what I'm saying. There are things that we do that are in God's will and a lot that we do outside of His will. How we handle what life throws at us comes down to perspective. We can either allow life to keep dishing it out til our tray is so full it's about to crash to the floor or we can do a little soul searching, exercise determination and ask Him to show us a way out... a way over or a way through.

In conclusion, these are just my two cents. As always, when we hear any sermon or Word spoken, we should go to the source (the Bible) ourselves. See what it says, see how God stirs your heart when you read it. Five different people could read the same verse and all walk away with something different. You may ask, why is that? Here's my answer. God speaks to us through his word. We are uniquely made; we come from different walks of life and aren't all planted in the same season. His word speaks to us as individuals, in our present time and circumstance. What one verse means to me today might mean a completely different thing for me 6 months from now. The most amazing thing about His Word is that it never comes back void! The more we read it, the more we glean from it.

In speaking about the Bible, Christopher Abel's professor said: It is alive. It desires to be known. It dares you to chase after it, pursue it and immerse yourself within it. So do not take it lightly. Spend time with it. Get to know it. It is complex and mysterious and deserves your time.

I would love to hear your thoughts on this though and see what God has revealed to you about this particular verse. Comments and input are always welcome.

Blessings in Christ,
Brandy

Want or Need?

Today I listened to a great sermon on wants, needs and being content. It really got me to thinking about my life, my choices and where I'm presently at. Pastor Randall pointed me to several scriptures that I have read more times than I can count and in a nutshell stated that God is the source of ALL our needs. My conclusion to that statement is that, He will meet those needs IF we seek His Kingdom first. I think those of us who are Christians know this to be true. Yet so many times we fall away from what we know in our hearts.

Philippians 4:11-13 (NIV)

I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do all this through him who gives me strength.

I'll be honest with you. Today was the first time I opened my Bible in over 2 months and it was the first time I heard a sermon in almost 3 months. It doesn't mean that because I have slacked off that I'm not a Christian, it just means I'm human and I have fallen prey to the business of life as most of us do. The good thing is that God continually offers his grace and always finds a way to gently nudge us back where we need to be. 

What exactly drew me to Cross Point Community Church's website this morning I'm really not sure. It's a church I attend several times a year. Not because I don't like it, rather I would love to go there regularly. But it is a 2+ hour drive from my town so I only get to visit it when I happen to be spending a weekend at my sisters house. Anywho... I went to their site and clicked on the "Messages" tab and stumbled upon the "I Need" series. To tell you the truth, I'm thankful I did. Isn't it funny how when you've been away from church for sometime and then you decide to visit or listen to a sermon that it is ALWAYS just what you need to hear at that moment in your life? Well, I don't know if it's true for you but more times than I can count it has been true for me. 

Hebrews 4:16 (NIV)

Let us then approach God’s throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need.

After listening to I Need... the Truth I have realized two things:

1. While we want more money so that we can get out of debt, I realize that the jobs we have provide enough money to cover our expenses and we are not struggling; therefore we have what we need.
2. While we want to get out from under the house we are in (because of the circumstances that surround it) and get a new one, we realize that what we have suits us just fine. It provides a roof over our head, it's plenty big for the two of us, there are no holes in the ceiling, walls or floor and while it may not be what we want for our life right now, it provides all that we need and we have learned to be content. 

I'm sure if I took more time to think on this before writing this post I would have come up with a few more things but as I look back over the last few years I would have to say these have remained the top two. And I think to have what you need in these two areas is truly a blessing. Especially when you reflect upon our society today and see how many people are jobless, homeless or both. 

Thankfully I have never really been one to live outside my means. I've never felt the need to have the trendiest clothes in my closet or the dopest shoes on my feet. And I certainly don't have the urgency to waste my hard earned money and hours of my time standing in line just to get a phone that has a few more features than the one I have now when the one I have now still works perfectly fine. Ok that one may have been more of a rant LOL I think you know where I'm going though. Why do we have to always want the top of the line things when in reality what is considered average or basic is often more than enough to meet our needs?  

Matthew 6:8b

...for your Father knows what you need before you ask him.

I encourage you to take some time today and have a look at your life. Realize that there is a difference between want and need, then ask yourself what it means to be content. It all comes down to realizing one thing: prayer is the vehicle to managing your needs. Don't allow money to become your god; instead ask God to be your God and step into the future he has waiting for you.

Love y'all, go forth and be blessed! ~Brandy 

The Battle Rages On

A little over 6 months has passed since my last blog and I am ashamed to say that I am back in the same place I started all those months ago. Yes I am still fighting this battle with food and my addiction to it. As I sat down to write today, a lyric popped into my head.

I'm in a war every minute, I know for sure I'll never win it, 
I am David up against Goliath, and it's a fight...

That's exactly how it feels. Like I am up against a giant that from where I'm standing looks impossible to defeat. That's how it looks, but in my heart I know that's not true at all. I can take him down, I know I can cause I got Jesus and he is all I need to conquer anything. Yet still I fight and I struggle on a daily basis. Despite what the lyrics go on to say:

'Cause You are, bigger than any battle I'm facing
You are, better than anything I've been chasing
Saviour and Royalty, the only hope for me
Jesus, You are, You are...

Yes, Jesus is way bigger than this battle I'm facing. He is way better than what I've been chasing. He IS the only hope for me. So why am I still stuck in this same place? Oh how I wish I had the answer. I feel like such a failure for not being able to tackle and take down this addiction. Why is it so hard to stay committed to healthy eating and exercise? I'm tired of fighting this battle and always ending up a loser. 

On a good note, my spiritual health is improving. I had been looking for some time for a women's devotional Bible and had come across several that I liked but wasn't in a position to pay the asking price. Well I happened to visit the Christian store this past Monday and found one of my picks for 50% off. My new NLT Sanctuary bible has been such a blessing! You see I don't just have a hard time committing to getting healthy. I also struggle with being in the Word daily and having that quiet time with the Lord that I so very much need. I'm happy to say though that I am 6 days strong in the Word thanks to the daily devotionals and I'm working on reading it from cover to cover for the first time ever. It's true, in my 13 years of knowing Jesus I have never read the entire bible. Psalms, Proverbs and the New Testament several times but have yet to get through all the books in the Old Testament. In light of the struggles I just shared in the area of my spiritual health I guess I just answered the my own question LOL Why am I still stuck in this same place? the core issue is failure to commit. 

Lord, I need your help. Show me the error of my ways. Teach me how to walk in obedience. You know my struggles, you know where I'm lacking. Help me be the kind of woman whose yes means yes. Help me commit to you by being in your Word daily and having quiet time with you. I know that in order for the other things in my life to fall into place it requires putting you first ALWAYS. I am certain that once I learn to walk in obedience to Your will and Your ways then and only then will I see the other areas of my life begin to change. It all starts with you Lord. In Jesus' Name, Amen. 

You Talking to Me?

I was going to title this "Attention Please" but I figured after yesterdays post with all the talk of how needy I am at the present time, that it wouldn't be a good way to start and might run people off LOL

So a little after 7 this morning I get a text that wakes me out of bed. Well not really, I was already awake just wasn't sure if I wanted to put my feet on the floor yet :) The text was simple: Psalms 121:1-3. I throw my feet over the side of the bed then make my way across the house to my computer room figuring if God is going to send an angel to throw me a lifeline this early then I need to be up and at 'em. The scripture was one I knew, at least verse 1 and 2 but the 3rd verse I never managed to remember but it is oh so important! 

Psalm 121:1-3

1 I lift up my eyes to the mountains—
where does my help come from?
2 My help comes from the Lord,
the Maker of heaven and earth.
3 He will not let your foot slip—
he who watches over you will not slumber;

How wonderful to know that we are so important to God that he is watching out for us 24/7? Not that I didn't know it already, I guess I just see it in a different light now. And he will not let our foot slip! Total confidence booster if you ask me. The way I see it is this... if we do our part (lift our eyes to Him, trust Him, seek Him daily) then we can be confident that God will do his part (help us, keep us from falling). 

Now it's 11am and I'm about to get my worship on with all my peeps at Living Hope. We do a super speedy rendition of "I'll Fly Away" and from there transition to "Always" by Kristian Stanfill. Not thinking ahead to what the words in the song are I just start singing my heart out as I always do. Voices are uplifted in praise and then there it is, right there on the screen:

I lift my eyes up, my help comes from the Lord

Back the bus up! That is the exact scripture that got me out of bed this morning and now 

here it is again? I smile and say to my husband "you think God is trying to tell me something?" Then it dawned on me that even though I have been praying about my struggle, I haven't been looking to God enough for help. That I have spent more time trying to work this on my own than relying on Him and His strength. Well no more of that!

Yesterday was a new beginning. Last night God showed me why I am still in bondage to this addiction... a story for another day. Today He gave me new hope. 

Thank you Lord for the people you have placed in my life and for the work that you are doing in and through them; how you are using it not just to bless me but to bless those around me.

Love y'all ~ Brandy

If you can't see the video that is posted below, click here to watch Always by Kristian Stanfill

I Will Beat This

I was googling some scriptures online this morning to help me with an addiction that has held me captive for far too long. Food addiction. I absolutely have no control over what I eat and how much I consume and I'll be honest, it scares me. You would think that would be enough for me to fight with all that is in me, but it's not. They say food addiction is the hardest to overcome since food is needed for sustenance. Not that I prefer to have another addiction instead of this one as all of them come with their own struggles. 

I have tried time and again to get control over it, not just on my own but on occasion with the help of others and through God centered bible studies. I do good for about 2-3 weeks then a craving gets hold of me and I give in. Within a few days I am completely off the wagon and right back where I started. It is a very destructive cycle. The older I get, the more concerned I become that I haven't been able to get a handle on this.

For me it's not about being thin, it's about getting healthy. Right now, that's a long way off. At this point I would be satisfied just to get out of the obese range and into the overweight category. But I struggle daily and am unable to get a grip on it. I have no off switch; no sensor that tells my brain to stop eating; no feeling of full which all contribute to my current state of being. 

I know it pains my husband to see me like this; to see me struggling and not able to do anything for me; to see me emotional and not be able to comfort me. He too seems to be at a loss on how to help me. 

Back to the "googling"... 

I already knew one verse and where to find it. Matthew 4:4 says that man does not live on bread alone but on every word that comes from the mouth of God. The other that came to mind was from John 4:32 where Jesus says that he has food to eat that they know nothing about. It was this second verse that lead me to a page at Heartlight Magazine and there I found these words about this scripture:

"Jesus had real food, food that sustained his soul and not just his body. While food is greatly valued by Jesus and his disciples, we must always remember that Jesus is trying to open our eyes so we can see the real food God longs to provide us. The same power that sustained Jesus can sustain us. Let's find that food!"

Following that was a prayer:  

"Open my eyes, dear Lord, and help me see what is important. Turn my heart to your will, your Word, and your Spirit for I know that only these can truly nourish me and sustain me. In Jesus name I pray. Amen."

My hope is to take what I learned today and use it daily. I have written the prayer on an index card and plan to carry it with me. So when I want to eat the bag of chips sitting in the kitchen just because I can rather than out of hunger; when I'm at the store and want to buy a box of donuts and go home and scarf them all down because I love how they taste; when I want to eat a second breakfast cause the first one I just finished didn't satisfy me even though I know I got enough calories from it to sustain me... I can pull the card out of my pocket and read it. Even if it means standing in the aisle at the grocery store reading it ten times over to give me enough strength to realize that what I am craving is not what I need. And if I'm at home I can read it then pull out my Bible and read it until it has filled me enough to move on until the next wave hits. 

With everything that is in me, I want to beat but my needs are great and it's going to require a lot of help. 

*I need to first and foremost keep my eyes on Jesus and stay in the Word.
*I need to be accountable. 
*I need people to hold me accountable; to reach out to me and ask me how I am doing. 
*I need to find a support group either online or outside of my home and interact with them regularly. 
*I need people who are not afraid to be honest with me.
*I need my friends and family to love me and pray for me daily.

What would be ideal is this: 
to have 7 people, one for each day of the week, that could pray for me and reach out to me through a phone call, email, text or facebook my wall 2-3 times in that day. Send me a scripture, words of encouragement, ask me how I'm doing, suggest things to point me in the right direction, etc. I realize it's a lot to ask but I am desperate. At the same time I am confident that God will send 7 people if not more to walk with me through my addiction and help me beat it. If you're up for the task please don't hesitate to reach out to me. 

Love & blessings to all, 
Brandy ~


If you can't see the video posted below, click here to watch Overcomer by Mandisa